i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
