her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
