I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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