so that wasnt chicken after all
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
