its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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