I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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