i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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