I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
