to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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