you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
