two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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