Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
