He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
