I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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