this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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