would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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