Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't been this sober since birth.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
