the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
