I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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