everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
