is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
