I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
