i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
