i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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