My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize