If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize