I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
