It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
