So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
