all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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