While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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