The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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