dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need to calm my uterus...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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