just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
