Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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