Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
