there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
