Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
