normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
