My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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