The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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