So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
