How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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