overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
