Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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