It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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