im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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