Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
