mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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