Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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