Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
