I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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