We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
