Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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