Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
