Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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