I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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