Who wears a wallet chain?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
