Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
