I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
