I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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