I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
