I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
