end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
