i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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