I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
