three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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