Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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