I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
